I Ruminate

I ruminate it eats away my insides like a monster and I want to run and hide but there’s nowhere to turn and it just burns burns away my soul and I’m not whole anymore will I ever recover find a real lover? second nature tells me no that I will never ever be whole […]

Read more "I Ruminate"

Alone

  I’d give anything if you could, for just one day, be blind, to see past this ugly shell of mine and see inside, where I reside alone But I could only ever dream of being close to someone like you strong, funny, and kind so – nevermind I’ll just stay here alone wishing I […]

Read more "Alone"

Still here

still here
trying to figure out riddles
like how to fill
the hole in the universe
that sucked me outside of the light

and there are mice dancing in the pantry
but I don’t have energy to shoo them away
and so they haunt me with squeals in the night
and footprints in spilled sugar

still here
trying to heal the bleeding soul
with band-aids
and Mercurochrome
gushing demons from a bludgeoned psyche

but i must go on
there is no greater truth than hope
even if i cry while I walk toward the light
i can’t give up everything

or nobody wins

Read more "Still here"

anguish by proxy

you would never know how my soul aches with your laughter on the phone every word cuts into my ears the tools liars use i gave everything i had but it was never good enough because it was all an act and now i see you flocking to his light like a moth to a […]

Read more "anguish by proxy"

Moral arithmetic

I am ugly wicked ugly because you said so I could never measure up to those craigslist girls you entertained You did more than rape my body, you raped my soul subtracted pieces I can never retrieve But I’ve learned ugly is a relative term and you and I are no longer relatives Your equation […]

Read more "Moral arithmetic"

i am broken

I am broken from trying to cover for you holding your mask in place for so many years wore me down to the nothing I feel like you always wanted me to be I am broken like a thousand pieces of glass shattered from your terrorist attack tragedy, agony, endless pain white knuckle grips my […]

Read more "i am broken"

I lost myself

I lost myself in worlds of tumbling confusion wondering why I caused such turbulence in something I wanted to be so beautiful and tried so hard to conceive I lost myself in clouds of rolling darkness wondering why thunder always proceeded begging for forgiveness and my apologizing when I had done nothing wrong I lost […]

Read more "I lost myself"

Equality

He buys her fast food and red bull I buy her Lettuce and sugar snap peas pomegranates, apples, bananas granola and peanut butter He buys her eighty dollar shoes and makeup I buy her glasses and contact lenses sports fees and jerseys underwear, bras and socks. He takes her to the movies I take her […]

Read more "Equality"